Although Chris Rock confirmed he will stay on as host of the 2016 Oscars, much to the chagrin of angry Blacks everywhere, he said his routine has been completely re-worked to address the blatant lack of diversity amid the Academy. We’re not entirely sure what the comedian has up his sleeve but here are a few predictions:
1. He’ll probably address the elephant in the room–literally.
Picture Mr. Rock walk up to his standing mic, the Academy’s signature song plays in the background while glamorous celebs look on from the audience. Chris then peers over the heads of the crowd, presumably at some sort of control studio at the back of the room, and says ‘Cut the music.’ Silence follows. Chris scans the group with a stern expression on his face. The guests’ nervous laughter permeate the quiet. More scanning. More laughter. Scanning. Laughter. Finally, Chris says, I have to address the elephant in the room. The camera then cuts to the center aisle of the floor, where we see a white man emerge from his seat and start to walk casually towards the stage dressed in, get this, an ill fitting elephant costume. ‘What’s up, Chris? You could’ve just texted me during the commercial break.’ Laughs. Chris then proceeds to deliver his hilarious monologue disguised as a conversation between and the elephant, riddled with appropriately timed one liners about the show’s blatant lack of diversity. It’s corny, I know. But it just might be so corny that it’s funny. Or nah?
2. He might ‘Facetime’ Jada and Will during the ceremony.
Earlier this year actress, Jada Pinkett Smith, made quite a stir when she responded to the stark white Oscar nominations with a peaceful yet stern video urging viewers and her fellow actor peers to boycott this year’s Oscar ceremony. The plea was met with mixed emotions, most deeming it insincere since her hubby’s presumed Oscar shoo-in flick, Concussion, went ignored by the Academy. Many believe the actress would have attended the ceremony with a gracious attitude and a smile had Will been nominated.
I envision Chris capitalizing on Jada’s questionable move by ringing up the Smiths and putting them on a conference Facetime call so they’re able to ‘technically’ keep their word of skipping the show in solidarity of their black sistren and brothren, but still making their presence felt. Wouldn’t it be funny if they ended up being presenters via FT, with Chris holding the envelope up to the phone screen for them to announce, but seconds before the winning name is read, the call drops? *ROTFLMAO*
3. Chris will perhaps bring some special protesters up on stage.
For his recent cover interview with Essence Magazine, Chris mentions ongoing battles with casting directors over his choice to place black actresses in lead roles.
“I’ve never done a movie, any movie, the silliest movie, where someone, some studio person hasn’t gone, ‘Does the girl have to be Black?’ It happens every time.”
In an effort to further convey his frustration with Hollywood, I picture him leading a line of #OscarsSoWhite protesters onto stage, complete with picket signs and banners that will read ‘Once Oscars go black, they’ll never go back—that’s why they haven’t,’ or ‘WE HAVE TO UNITE AGAINST #OscarsSoWhite,’ all carried by some of our leading black actresses. They’ll funny it up of course, because, well, they have to work with these people later but they’ll get their point across nonetheless.
The Academy Awards air on Sunday, February 28 at 7e/4p on ABC. Will you be tuning in?
MADE by Jasmine Browley