I have never been the gardening type. My mother has constantly told me with when I move to a new place, “Jee, you need some plants in your place.” The most I can give you is some flowers from Trader Joes that simply require me adding water and the plant food. Every single week I tell myself I will do better. What I am great at is putting a good song with a conversation I am having. The song comes to me and it fits perfectly like a glove.
I never want to pull topics out of the air to write about. My goal is to share my life experiences with my readers. Last week I talked about being “ghosted.” This week I had a conversation with the person who “ghosted” me. Shocking right? This conversation seemed a worthy topic to share. The conversation definitely had moments of “What you talmabout, Willis?” Before the conversation was over, I was remixing Diddy’s song from 2013, ” Don’t Bother Me I’m Working!” I changed it to, “Don’t Bother me I’m Growing!”
We all have ways of protecting ourselves. It could simply be we don’t want to repeat an bad experience. To both protect me and prevent repeat situations occurring my sarcasm takes a front seat. Sometimes I have to give myself a time out, at least I am honest. I am far from perfect, I strive daily to be the best version of me for me! (Let that last statement sync in).
I took the phone call from the person who “ghosted” me because the reality is I needed answers! I also wanted to express my feelings without sarcasm. During the conversation I had a quick moment of telling myself, “Mannn, I know I have grown.” The old me would have called him everything but a child of God, what?! It’s the truth, I am talking about real growth here. I almost made it through the convo free from all manner of foolery until the caller said, “Jee you need to get your life together!” That’s when I knew it was time to end this here call. Where is the RED button?!
That statement threw me down memory lane.
In college, I was a scared, nervous girl looking for acceptance and validation. Partying, drinking and smoking became my coping mechanism to “be cool” while never admitting I was naive and lost. Conquering college on to the corporate world, navigating how to go from college to a working woman battling bouts of depression and suicide attempts (all secret internal battles).
I went from hating my father to him being one of my most favorite people in the world, my heart being completely healed and cooking dinner for my father! Learning to be okay being in quiet moments, being honest of my growth areas and areas of strength. Stepping out on faith to follow my dreams I thought were long gone. Moving to a new state with the plan of simply needing to be clear of the next steps and how to get there.
Do I have it figured out? Oh no indeed. Do I strive daily to do better than I did yesterday? Yes, darling.
Again, let me sing this remix…”Don’t Bother Me I’m Growing!”
My garden (ME) by no means is complete. Quite frankly, it may NEVER be complete. I have weeds just like other gardens. Again, I am a girl lacking a serious green thumb. I am still striving to be the best garden I can be for me, occasionally having others enjoy the work I am doing. Besides learning turn my sarcasm down, I also learned others will tell you what your garden SHOULD look like. They tell you the roses you have are horrible, not acknowledging they like daffodils, go figure! My garden just isn’t for you. What I realized after this conversation is that most people want to tell you what you I won’t be able to accept the comment, “Jee you need to figure out your life.”
Life isn’t figured out in one go, life is a continued transformation, embracing the good and bad of choices, experiences to produce GROWTH! There will be moments of rain, moments to prune your garden, moments when you don’t see growth, moments when you want to pull everything up and start over. Everyday learn how to take time to learn how to BE YOU, don’t measure your growth by someone’s else expectation of you and your garden. Remember to remind others, “Don’t Bother Me I’m Growing!”